This girl is more easily done than said...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
