Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sorry about my life...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
