is your mom at the bar?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
