need another drink. this is the easiest way
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
