I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
