I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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