I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
