No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
