It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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