i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
