He passed out mid-signature
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
