My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
