Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
