He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
