Where is the hickey?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
