i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
