Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
