Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
