Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
