her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
