I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want her autograph on my taint
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
