in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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