the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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