They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
