The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
