Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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