At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
