i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You dont lie about slip and slides
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
