So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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