i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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