Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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