Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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