with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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