i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
