She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
