VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
