Dual....:-)
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
