remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
