I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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