Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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