No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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