Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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