Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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