dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
