I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
