I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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