You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
