dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
