ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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