a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
