I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
